Defining Value
The kindness and respect shown to me at my current job has made me understand that it is not the glittery associations or false promises but rather the place and people that make a job valuable.
I began my first job at age 19 as an intern for a creative space non-profit, working in the very industry that I had dreamed of since I was 10 years old. After I completed the internship, I continued my education majoring in film production and desperately trying to find a job in that same industry.
During my sophomore year of college, I began working the dream of all dream jobs, as a production assistant for one of the best production companies in the industry. I was excited to work for the company and hoped that the job would get a firm start within the film industry.
I knew going in, that this was a massive opportunity and I needed to keep my head on straight. I reminded myself not to forget myself, my place or what I was doing this all for. I was quiet and I was calm. Very quickly I started to see how insignificant I was and how the behavior of those in high positions of power used my vulnerability to control and manipulate things. I was underpaid and taken for granted. Some people set out to make sure their lives have the absolute best outcomes, and if to get there they have to stomp on others then they will.
As you have most likely put together, I did not stay in the industry for long. I became physically unwell after working extreme hours and decided I couldn’t be treated that way, not if I could help it. Instead, I began bussing tables and selling coffee and honestly at first it really wasn’t bad. It also wasn’t glamorous. I now served the same type of people I was already getting things for, except instead of on film set it was behind a greasy counter.
I continued to work in coffee shops and specialty shops for over three years until I was promoted and settled at one place for a whole year. It was in this shop that the effects of the past several years hit me the hardest. I always assumed coffee and any service jobs were “safe” in terms of how difficult they were and how long the could be compared to the film industry. I assumed that if I just never worked as an assistant in the film industry ever again, then I would never be belittled, hurt, or manipulated again. I was wrong. All to say, my experience taught me that either world, prestigious film productions or coffee shops, can crush your spirit.
I was confused because I had many friends who also worked at coffee shops and really enjoyed their time. Sure, it wasn’t high paying or glamorous work, but it was simple to do and nice to interact with customers. I entered my fourth year in coffee earlier this year, and jolted with the realization of how miserable my job at the time made me. Same story, overbearing and micromanaging boss who over time seemed to like me less and less. Eventually I felt that I was not safe and that my income once again was unstable. Honestly, it wasn’t until I was fired shortly into the year and immediately began searching for other more long term and reliable jobs that I realized how much this one had taken out of me.
After a month of searching I reached out to my former boss from my internship from four years prior, and current friend, to see if she had anything for me. She did! A few short weeks later, after training for weeks and keeping my head up, I finally had a job I was proud of and where I felt well treated.
Now, officially promoted, having savings and no longer financially drowning while working several jobs to survive; I can report that the type of a job you work isn’t as important or personally impactful as the environment the job brings and the people who work there. Rethinking what type of job will bring the most value to your life instead of the most pride or prestige fully changes the map and road you go down. I put so much shame on myself for not being able to “succeed” in the film industry that I convinced myself to think that nothing would ever please any employer that I had afterward. I began to think my general anxious energy was permanent, that I was just changed and always going to be treated a certain way. The kindness and respect shown to me at my current job has made me understand that it is not the glittery associations or false promises but rather the place and people that make a job valuable. The agency and confidence my current job has given me is something I will never forget. I do not stutter or push my words away, I truly do not feel the way I did before. I will forever be grateful for my current job, as it has shown me how to get back to me, and being able to be me is all I ever need.